| Nobody Knows |
[13 Jul 2008|05:34pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Part Chimp - Do You Believe In Waiting To Die! |
] |
Do I miss you?
Do I miss an idea of you?
Do I just miss having someone? Anyone?
I do miss you. I miss things about you.
And this is an idea of you. There are any number of things about you I'm better off without. But these were all part of you too. And it is you I miss.
And to a certain extent I do just miss having someone. Anyone. Somebody else's kiss would fill a void. And company and conversation can usually be found.
Can I replace you in my life?
Of course not. I'd be stupid and cruel to try.
I've just got to hope for something new. Different. Exciting.
I'll never find anyone else like you. And I never want to forget you, no matter how much it hurts right now. No matter how used I feel, now that you have flown. Every one of my happiest memories is of you. I don't want them soured.
But I will have happier memories. I'll live. I'll experience new things, with new people. You'll always be a part of me, but I'll always be more than just you.
I have to believe.
|
|
| Rambles |
[12 Jul 2008|08:21pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tellison - Amory |
] |
Circumstances change
These songs don't sound the same
Those films will remain unseen
Everything has grown
The quiet and the still
Home just isn't home
Any more
The world begins anew
I guess that's what you wanted
But something still remains
I'm haunted
I'm sure that this is wrong
That I'll never get to see you again
Images dissolve into life in front of me
Do you ever fear
That "forever" is
Just one of those
Necessary lies?
Do you ever worry
That things don't work
The way that Hollywood
Says that they should?
Do you even care
If her heart is one
Of darkness or of gold?
What difference does it make to you?
Everything that matters
Could just be smoke
And mirrors
When the abyss stares back at you.
But you have to believe
Dance on mountain ledges
Lie with every song
Because you are everything
There ever will be.
|
|
| In Search of a Midnight Kiss |
[25 Jun 2008|03:21pm] |
Was going to go see this this evening.
Then I remembered it was a Wednesday. The day Polly and I would often go to the cinema, exploiting the free Orange Wednesday ticket deal.
Suddenly the idea of going to the cinema by myself seemed very depressing.
Maybe tomorrow. Always tomorrow.
|
|
| Fuck. |
[22 Jun 2008|01:05pm] |
Miserable. Lonely. Just want her back, even though I know it would be bad for me. I'm like an addict.
Don't really deal with rejection well, do I?
When she first tells me, I go quiet and distant and don't try to talk to her about anything.
When I should be just concentrating on moving on, I can't stop wondering what happened, while at the same time remaining entirely unable to say anything to her, and dreaming of romantic gestures.
I don't think going up to her window holding a rose between my buttocks would do me any good though.
I'm no James Nesbitt.
|
|
| Oddly Deep |
[02 Apr 2008|03:16pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Trademark - It Wasn't Right |
] |
"HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE. TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH WITH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET YOU ACT LIKE THERE WAS SOME SORT OF RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?"
Five David points for anyone who knows the source.
|
|
| What Makes Art? |
[26 Mar 2008|09:19pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Matthew Dear - Deserter |
] |
Struggle. Pain. Conflict. Constraint.
One, or some, of these things has to be present.
Perhaps others. Something that needs working out. That one is not comfortable with.
One then works with a material. Paint. Sound. Words.
What does one do with these?
It is hard to say, impossible even. It occurs that it must be instinctual, to at least a certain extent.
This is not to say that one must be, like Ion, lost in a kind of madness (although one may be).
Simply that one will know it when one sees it.
This expression, or working, is not necessarily one of emotion.
It will be if emotion is what motivated the working.
But if the conflict is conceptual or intellectual, or whatever, then the expression will be alike.
What one, as the artist of the consumer, achieves is not resolution, nor understanding. It is similar to both of these, but not the same.
I think what it is is hope.
The idea that what seemed unassailable is actually approachable. Possible to understand. To resolve. Or to live with.
The sad songs are universal.
|
|
| My iPod died... |
[25 Mar 2008|01:39pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None. It all got deleted. |
] |
...and I now realise the importance of backing up your files.
|
|
| Riven |
[13 Mar 2008|04:59pm] |
I like walking. I like the feeling of doing something physical, the muscles in my legs working. I also like the way it gives me time to exercise my mind. I do a lot of thinking when walking. If I really need to work something out, one thing I do is go for a walk (others include logic puzzles and repetitive activities like making small piles of pennies or dipping my fingers in wax over and over... there's a vague chance I'm actually insane).
However I really hate being sweaty, which I invariably am going to be if I go for even quite a short walk.
It seems everything is a bit like this though. Life appears to be riven with conflicting desires. It is not that there is a right answer to whether I want to go for a walk or not, I both do and don't, only in retrospect can I claim that I really did or didn't, but even then this decision will have more to do with entirely contingent matters of the consequences of my earlier decision than the inherent values involved in the choice in the first place. If I find five pounds on the floor, then I was right that I wanted to go for a walk. If I get splashed by a passing car, then I never really wanted to go and it was a mistake.
Today for example, I had three choices of what to do this evening. I could have gone to the philosophy society thing, gone to see a film and/or a talk, or just have gone home.
I decided not to go to the philosophy society, on the basis that the same (or a similar) talk is to be given at the student phil soc at a later date.
This left me with the choice between film and home.
I, eventually, decided to go home. This was due to a combination of factors including money, lack of real interest and the desire not to go to the cinema by myself.
But really, these are just excuses. I could equally have come up with a number of reasons to go.
The fact is I both wanted to go, and wanted to go home. And I both didn't want to go, and didn't want to go home. If I have a horrible time here, or hear that the talk was a life-changing event in cinema history (quite unlikely) I will have made the wrong decision. But right now I'm happy here and don't think the film or talk actually sound that interesting.
I'm not sure there are many things in life which are simple. Decision making should always be done in retrospect.
|
|
| Not a good thing... |
[12 Mar 2008|03:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Barry Adamson - The Man With The Golden Arm |
] |
Today I was going to stick around on campus for two hours and then attend the philosophy society talk about Plato and art (or something).
However, after finishing my reading and glass of wine, I realised I could go home and get drunk and listen to rock music.
Guess where I am?
|
|
| Music |
[10 Mar 2008|12:30pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Elbow - Grounds for Divorce |
] |
David is becoming increasingly frustrated with the current lack of decent gigs in Norwich.
Strange thing is, he realises that this is pretty much the norm. It's just that he has been spoiled of late, and isn't prepared to return to being bored.
He could, of course, just make more of an effort to have a social life. Go out and talk to people and whatnot. Problem is, he needs to drink if he's going to be a conversationalist. And then there's the ever present problem of having one-too-many and revealing his inner-dickhead, the one he tries to hide behind muteness and contempt.
He'll just have to wait until April. Reuben (woo!), Low (double woo!) and Supergrass (not all that woo!, but it's on his birthday so is as good an excuse to drink too much and dance badly as any). And other stuff. That just be what he has tickets for already.
But he is sad that Elbow aren't coming his way.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
david_not_dave's journal